Helping Your Child Succeed in School

My son’s teacher , Mrs. Patty, had reported that Erik was disorganized and was having difficulty getting started in the daily routine. Along with this, my son has been misplacing many important school papers, flashcards and textbooks. I knew that he did not bring any of these items home so they had to be lost at school. I asked him if his desk was messy and the obvious answer was “Yes”. After asking his teacher for permission, I went in after school and helped him straighten out the great abyss he called a desk. With the teachers help, we were directed of what papers could be tossed out and which could be taken home. My son and I organized the remaining contents by subject and placed any loose crayons, pencils, and markers into the appropriate containers. Once we completed he felt a sense of accomplishment. An eight year old ADHD child could not have accomplished a feat like this on his own. Before leaving I went over how it was organized. I also instructed him to place all items taken out back in the same spot. The next day I followed up with his teacher via e-mail, who informed that he was much better organized and gave me kudos for being a great mom!
It is important to realize that your child is not being lazy or stupid. They cannot organize their thoughts let alone a desk or locker. Helping your child is part of Behavior Therapy and recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics as part of a long term management plan. Some children can find what they are searching regardless of the fact that the desk is overflowing with papers and hasn’t fully closed since the second week of school. More than likely these are not ADHD children. Your child may need help and should not leave you feeling like a class A enabler. Any help you can give will increase your child’s chance for success in school and later in life. I should stress “help” not doing it yourself.
This tale could have stopped there but the real point is what transpired after.
The day after our desk cleaning, my son mentioned it to his Learning Disability teacher Mrs. Nickel. He came home to report that Mrs. Nickel did not want me coming to school and cleaning out the desk anymore. I was rather taken aback and asked him if he was positive she said that. He told me “yes” …she called it “unpapropriate” “Inappropriate?” I asked. I was shocked that a teacher whose specialty is dealing with children of varied learning disabilities would make a comment about my parenting intervention especially to a child. If she finds my actions inappropriate I would rather she confronts me.
I cannot stress enough the importance of being your child’s advocate especially with the educational system. While they may have educational degrees and a general knowledge on the subject, you know your child’s capabilities and limitations better than anyone. Any concerns or issues arising about your child should be addressed immediately with the proper school official. (Start with the one directly concerned and work your way up the ladder if you don’t get a resolution.) Keep emotions to a minimum while expressing your concerns. Do not let the educational system dissuade your efforts when you know it would benefit your child.
I sent the letter below to her the following day to which I never received a response.
Dear Ms Nickel,
While I appreciate all your efforts and capabilities as the LD teacher at Stone-Brook, I am somewhat disappointed to your reaction of my helping Erik clean out his desk. Correct me if I am misinformed, but you told Erik that it was “inappropriate” and that he should do it himself. Are you concerned that he‘s lazy? I am disturbed by your negative response. You, as a LD teacher, should know that a feat such as this is almost impossible without assistance.
I am not only an expert on Erik’s needs and capabilities, but also well informed on ADHD. I have read many books on the subject, receive many newsletters and maintain an ADHD blog. Children with the ADHD disorder are disorganized and inattentive. Desk cleaning requires both skills and such a major task would cause elevated anxiety.
I would like to suggest that you become better informed on Learning Disabilities especially ADHD. There is an excellent website: ADDinSCHOOL.com that suggests and I quote, “Your ADD ADHD student should have a regularly scheduled time for cleaning up his desk at least once a week. However he may need some help from teachers, volunteers, or his parents.” Mrs. Patty does a incredible job and does not need the extra task of helping Erik get organized. That’s why I am more than happy to assist. This website is a great resource for parents, as well as educators and is maintained by Douglas Cowan Psy.D. M.S. who has 15 years experience working with ADHD children. Also, please find attached the latest handout from the American Academy of Pediatrics which mentions improving your child’s environment as part of his/her behavior therapy.
My helping him was an attempt to organize his school environment so that he can be successful and should not be viewed as inappropriate. He is not being lazy, which is a common misconception about ADHD children. I feel I should mention that I help again when the need arises, despite your opposition. Thank you for your concern.

Sincerely,

* Please note : Names were changed *